


Stuck in a castle of regrets

by Akame_Dragneel



Category: True Beauty - Yaongyi (Webcomic), 여신강림 | True Beauty (Korea TV)
Genre: Accidents, Angst, Car Accidents, Fights, Friendship, Gen, Hospitals, Light Angst, Mentioned other characters - Freeform, Platonic Relationships, Seojun x suho if you squint, but more like bromance, if tvn can't do it i will, kang soojin mentioned, set after episode 6
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 15:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30023943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akame_Dragneel/pseuds/Akame_Dragneel
Summary: "You're not only hurting him, but also yourself by doing that. I don't know how it's like to lose a friend," she saw his body stiffening, but continued, "but he does. Deep inside, you wouldn't like to lose him too, would you?"Or, Han Seojun and Lee Suho realise the impacts words, actions and could probably use a little discussion.
Relationships: Seojun Han & Seyeon Yoon, Seojun Han & Suho Lee, Seojun Han/Suho Lee, Suho Lee & Seyeon Yoon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	Stuck in a castle of regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning (please read the tags as well): brief mention of blood and death (only during a flashback). If any of these triggers you, you might not want to read this. Stay safe <3

"Accidents, try to change them -- it's impossible. The accidental reveals man."- J.B Priestley

Seojun carefully opened the front door, praying not to meet anyone up at this hour. To his displeasure, as soon as he got in, the light coming from the living room blinded him.

"Seojun? You're finally here?"

His sister immediately came to confront him with a hard gaze and her brows frowned. However, her expression softened as she reached for his right cheek. Seojun quickly stepped back, escaping her hand.

"What happened? Who did you fight with?"

He puffed, the fresh red mark on his cheekbone hurting. It would be changing to an ugly shade of blue in the morning and he definitely couldn't hide it from his mom then, but as for now, he didn't want to talk about it.

"Is mom asleep?" he asked, trying to move away to the kitchen as he brushed his sister's question.

Gowoon's body blocked him, and her gaze, filled with worry, became steady.

"She is. You are lucky she was too tired to wait for you," she sighed. "Look at you, what happened this time?"

Managing to bypass her at the second try, he threw his bag on the couch before going to the kitchen.

"Nothing, don't worry."

He served himself a glass of water. Telling her that it was because some assholes annoyed Jugyeong because of him would just make her worry even more. He will just let her assume that it was one of his regular fights and hopefully she'd buy it.

"You didn't fight with Lee Suho, did you?"

"Uh?"

Gowoon moved in front of him, looking at him through her glasses.

"Mom told me that you went to see him," she explained, before a sigh escaped her lips. "I can't believe you two fought again."

"Huh. As if that asshole could do that to me. I'd beat him up before he lands a hand on me."

"You better not. That's not nice to fight with your friend."

His grip on the glass tightened. Something painful ripped him from the inside, where his heart was supposed to be, but he brushed that off so easily it was hard to consider it ever happened.

"Friend? Huh, as if." His eyes met his sister's. "Don't ever call us _that_ again."

Gowoon didn't let it go, though. 

"But you used to be friends, didn't you? You should be nicer to each others, you're the one who can understand him the better than any-"

The sound of glass meeting the kitchen island cut Gowoon, startling her. Narrowed eyes, dripped with hate and pain that were not directed at her were fixed on her person. His lips shut tight, she knew he was clenching his teeth in order to avoid hurting his sister with his words.

"Understanding him?" A shaky breath left his mouth as his hand met the cold surface of the table, where water had spilled. "Understanding a friend murderer? Are you kidding me?"

His voice, usually low, came out like a little louder than expected. If Gowoon was anyone else, she would have been hurt by the way he talked. But she knew that none of his anger was directed towards her.

And maybe, she shouldn't have pushed him.

Maybe she should have brushed it off and left him alone, alone with nobody but grief, pain and anger as companions.

But enough was enough. Gowoon couldn't stay like this when his brother was hurting by shutting down and making a wall of accusations to forget his pain. He needed to realise that what he was doing was everything but a healthy way to cope with loss.

So she didn't stop. She finally had the courage to talk to him, she had to end everything now and here. 

"You're not only hurting him, but also yourself by doing that. I don't know how it's like to lose a friend," she saw his body stiffening, but continued, "but he does. Deep inside, you wouldn't like to lose him too, would you?"

Before giving him any chance to talk back, she left the room.

* * *

  
  


Later that night, Gowoon's words kept disturbing him. They felt like neddles poking at him whenever he tried to let it go or relax. 

His head hit his pillow and a soft growl escape his lips. He wished his brain could stop functioning for a few hours for him to rest, but of course that organ didn't want to listen to him.

Everything that happened that day flashed in his mind, like a videotape he couldn't stop.

Lee Suho asking- begging- for his mother's operation. Lee Suho saying that he would have done the same thing the other way round (and he would. No matter what had happened between the two of them, if he had had the power to save Suho's mother, he would have.)

Then, these assholes taking Jugyeong with them to reach to him. Suho and him fighting them together.

_"Deep inside, you wouldn't like to lose him too, would you?"_

_"No!"_ His mind screamed. But it felt like saying the word would cut his lips like a blade.

Because why, why would he care about a friend murderer. Why would he care about someone like him. Why, why, why,

_Why would he care about someone to whom he asked to join Seyeon? What was the difference between a friend murderer and himself, now?_

And maybe, just maybe, that was the reason he didn't deserve to be called Suho's friend.

And that thought he tried to bury inside him, so deep he couldn't find it even if he searched for it, still emerged again and again and again. Was he better than a friend murderer himself?

* * *

  
  


Days went by, mixed with sleepless nights. The sun, the moon or the stars didn't matter, his mind didn't acknowledge any of them, not allowing him a peaceful sleep time.

For some obscure reasons, the only place he found enough peace in to close his eyes for more than a hour was his class. Maybe was it because of all the people in there, reminding him of all the lives that surrounded him, or maybe was it because he knew that Suho was alive, that he didn't join Seyeon yet. Luckily enough, his teachers were used to his behaviour so they let it slide. Or maybe it was pity. Either way, it was enough sleep for him to be functional, he thought.

He probably didn't realise that his behaviour was off. Why would it be? It was just a discussion with his sister, nothing more, nothing less.

A discussion that made him realise the weight of his words, yes, but was this enough of a reason not to sleep more than a few hours for days, unless he wanted to be woken up by nightmares?

He was so stupid.

"Yah, Han Seojun," Jugyeong's voice made him raise his head from his table.

He didn't bother to answer, the look he gave her was enough of a response for her to continue.

"What's with you? You should try to listen to classes a little at least. You know that if you fail you'll have to stay longer at school, right?"

Her bubbly voice, that would have normally cheered him up, made him remember the situation he got her in.

_Stop it now Han Seojun, you're being ridiculous. Since when do you even care that much about everything?_

Right. He needed to pull himself together.

"Han Seojun...?" Jugyeong tried to reach to him again, making him suddenly get up from his desk.

He walked to the bathroom, ignoring her questions behind. Some fresh water would make the affair.

* * *

Flashes of red and blue lights were surrounding him, accompanied by loud voices. He was standing in front of a building and didn't know where he was or how he got there. But the scene, foreign and yet so painfully familiar, didn't ease him up at all.

The building his eyes met a second later explained his reaction. Suddenly, the ambulance lights and the noisy reporters around him suffocated him, but he couldn't stop his body from moving. Pushing all the bodies he met, he found himself staring at a bloody hand, falling from a bracket the paramedics were transporting away. The shiny bracelet on his own wrist burnt his skin, but he couldn't be bothered by it right now.

 _Seyeon_ , he wanted to scream, but the name died in his mouth when the fabric covering the body's face suddenly fell, revealing another familiar person.

"Lee Suho!"  
  
  
  
  
  


His eyes snapped open and he found himself drowning in the darkness of his room. He reached for the light switch, and the sudden brightness made him suddenly too aware of everything. About his heart beating so fast against his torso it was hard to ignore, or the shaky breaths escaping his lips, making him shiver.

Just a nightmare, he told himself. It was all just a nightmare.

The numbers on his phone indicated it was not even midnight yet. He probably went to bed early to wake up at such an hour. Unconsciously, he clicked on the contacts button and his thumb froze on the top of a name.

He hesitated a few seconds, the characters of the name dancing in front of his eyes, before throwing his phone on the mattress.

He didn't need to talk to anyone right now, he decided, picking up his keys. What he needed was some fresh air.

* * *

"Why are you so silent?" 

Suho didn't even bother to look at his father, his eyes focused on the road. He dared to hope that his father would take that as an answer and stop questioning him, but as expected from someone who cared more about his career than his son, he didn't seem to get the clue. 

"Soojin is a really polite girl, you should hang out with her more often."

"Whom I spend time with is none of your business." He said, still not looking at his father. "Why did you even take me there anyway, don't you have more important things to do?"

His father sighed. They were on the road back to Suho's house after having dinner with the Kang family, and he convinced Suho to take a ride with him, hoping that they could have a talk. He even offered his driver a day off to have a more private conversation, but as Suho had become even more stubborn, it didn't seem to work. 

"I just want to talk with you, is that that hard to believe?" 

"And I don't want to," Suho answered without hesitating. 

Yet again, his father didn't know when to stop talking. He looked at his son, his hands still on the steering wheel, almost defeated. 

"Do you plan on avoiding it for the rest of your life? It's going to be better for both of us."

Their eyes met. 

"Are you done now? Can I get off?"

The man wanted to use a last chance. He didn't want to give up, not when they were together for once. 

"Suho I-"

"Will you stop? I said I didn't want to talk with you, why are you trying so hard, uh? What do you even want to explain to me? How you cheated on mom the day she passed away?" His breathing was accelerating, but he didn't stop. "Or how you let a _kid_ under your agency _die_? What the hell do you want from me?"

On the spur of the moment, his hand reached the door handle. He needed to breathe and he needed to be away from his dad. 

His father grabbed his arm, trying to stop him fcrom jumping on the middle of the road.

"Suho stop-"

It all happened in a few seconds. The moment his father looked away from the road, the exact moment he lost his control over the car, they felt a violent bump in front of them. 

Everything happened so fast, and yet he had the time to feel his world crashing down when he recongnised the leather jacket and the bike they crashed into.   
  


" _Han Seojun!_ "

**Author's Note:**

> I've started this like months ago, and I finally finished the first chapter. I didn't plan on posting it before writing the second (and final) chapter one but oh well.  
> I was convinced that Seojun was going to have a bike accident in the drama tbh because of all the foreshadowing, but instead we got whatever tf was the car accident with suho recreating the bs&t mv.  
> Also, Gowoon's character might be more webtoon based here 
> 
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed, it helps a lot <3
> 
> (side note, english isn't my first language so excuse my mistakes)


End file.
